[2011013] Deborah Frances-White: How To Get Almost Anyone To Want To Sleep With You

Deborah Frances-White: How To Get Almost Anyone To Want To Sleep With You [FringeTIX]

Deborah Frances-White @ The Cupola

7:00pm, Sun 13 Feb 2011

So – Irene and I walk into the Cupola together. It’s already pretty full, and – her ocular abilities being what they are – we take a seat in the previously-empty front row.

“This makes me nervous,” I tell her. More so than ever. She laughs, either oblivious to my terror, or revelling in it.

Deborah Frances-White bounds onstage, chock-full of confidence and presence. She makes a few quick jokes about how the audience has just paid for her airfare and cocaine habit, and we’re off and racing – the crowd instantly love her. She starts explaining how she’s the Philip Escoffey of relationships, then points directly at me, gesturing towards Irene:

“I can tell that you two are a couple.”

I get halfway through saying “oh no” before I freeze. There’s a wave of laughter.

“…of friends!” Deborah appends. More laughter; a wave of relief.

“There’s something there, though, isn’t there?” she continues. I hide my face in my hands; Irene, giggling, holds her hands up in don’t-go-there defiance. More laughter.

“What’s the story, then?” Deborah asks me.

“I defer the storytelling to her,” I say.

“Oh – you’re deferring to her? You’re already married, then.”

We’re all laughing. She hasn’t even broached the core content of her show yet, and we’re all pissing ourselves.

There’s a quick survey of the room; mostly couples, a handful of single men, less-than-a-handful of single women. She presents the expected stats highlighting the differences between who the genders want to sleep with, rips apart The Game, and presents a blend of Clooney and Bond for men to aspire to.

There’s a couple of intoxicatingly curious analogies – women, she purports, are either Bad Sitcoms or Scorcese Movies. She covers the idea of maintaining anticipation, leading to the fantastic auto-correct bastardisation of “I have the keys.” There’s also a challenge to the men in the audience to undo a bra one-handed; two take up the challenge, and the resultant battle was like watching two chimps try to de-flea each other whilst trying to hug. Bloody funny.

There’s a lot of truth in what Deborah presents up there – though I know from experience that, if you’re going to try to be a DayMaker, you’d better develop a thick skin. And lord knows that I just about bust a lung laughing at her “stalker” comments. And whilst her advice could be easily distilled (Men: get a case of the Clooneys. Women: be like a Scorcese movie… with a hat), it’s still worth seeing Deborah present this information live; she’s immensely likeable, has a great stage manner, and it’s one of the funniest shows I’ve seen in years.

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